DREAMER

(Originally published Tuesday, August 5, 2008)

Tonight I stood outside for a few minutes and glanced up at the sky. I recalled the many nights I stood outside daydreaming and looking forward to my life being better. I used to dream standing still. I would stare at the stars, and write poetry and songs. It was during the warm summer nights of '95. I remember it clearly because that was the year that my mom, Zinna, passed (That's what I named my first electric guitar: "Z". It's a sleek butterscotch Ibanez). Those were some very sad days for me. My heart was torn and I felt so discouraged about life. Of course, I've since learned that there is a trial in every facet of life.

The weather is fairly nice tonight and it would have been nice to just sit out on the porch for a few hours, but I don't have the luxury anymore. When I don't have band practice or a gig, I steal away to the waterfront to watch the sunset and the fall of night. I used to be dreamer; a daydreamer. I was probably the latter, most of my life. But once I started working towards fulfilling those dreams, my life has been much more productive. I think at one time, I was pretty satisfied with being a daydreamer because it didn't require much work, sacrifice, confidence or self-esteem. Now, I'm a realist. Although I must say, it sure is nice to go away sometimes.

I love the night. I think of God. I exercise my imagination and ask myself questions that I would not have dared to explore. Looking into the night and the sea, engender the same emotional reactions from me. I am reminded of the galaxies and immensity of life; that I am part of something magnificent, something most wonderful.

He is constantly giving me clues and wisdom jewels to help me on my journey. He gives me strength when I need it most. He gives me hope when I am so disheartened. Looking into the stillness of night continues to give me hope. My life will never be the fairytale about which I once daydreamed, but it is my life and I make the choice to find the good, discover the love, explore possibilities and reach for heights beyond me.